You are a failure.
You ARE a failure.
@neurodiverse_couples News alert: You *will* fail. Fear of failure paralyzes us in our lives and #relationships. #therapytiktok #fyp #autism #autismrelationships ♬ original sound - Jodi C: Autism Couples Expert
I recently had an interesting discussion in one of my communication coaching groups for neurodiverse couples and partners.
We talked about how this fear of failure causes so much anxiety. The members were talking about how they research things for months before they'll make a decision to buy something, or send their kid to a school, or just make decisions.
There is this fear of failing in careers, in jobs, and as parents.
So, let me just assure you of something....
You are GOING to fail.
You are going to screw up. You are not going to make good choices. You are going to make mistakes. It is going to happen.
So many people are terrified of being a failure that it's crippling. It causes severe anxiety and an obsession with overly analyzing and struggling to make decisions. It prevents people from moving forward with decisions with life. It is so disempowering.
We often look to others to help us make these choices and we want them to be our guides because we don't want to make our own decisions for fear of screwing up and failing. It takes over our lives: this need to control our lives for fear of failing.
So when you realize "I'm going to screw up. I can't control the outcome," it's life changing.
@neurodiverse_couples We all fail at times but it's LIBERATING to just accept that you can't control the outcome. #therapytiktok #autismrelationships #autism #fyp ♬ original sound Jodi C: Autism Couples Expert
You may be able to influence it sometimes, but really there are so many variables in this world that influence outcomes - how your children turn out, your relationship, who your partner is and how they respond to you.
You can only control you and you can only control your response and your reaction to the outcome. You can't control the actual outcome.
So make the best decision you have with the information you've got. Do the best you can.
Don't spend too much time wasting your energy on trying to make the right choice or worrying about the wrong choice or the right decision because it doesn't exist.
Focus more on how you respond. That's what's important.
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Jodi and the Spectrum Support Team